Yesterday was the WORST day- work was awful. Once I got home, one of my attendings actually called me up on my cell phone to rip me a new one. The worst thing is, I’m not completely sure I deserved it, and I know it was unprofessional for her to call me like that. My own mother never speaks to me that way; there is no way it was appropriate from her. It completely ruined yesterday, and I woke with the worst mood today, feeling really super guilty about something I’m not even sure I should feel guilty about! Once that seed of guilt is planted, though, it’s so tough not to let it grow. Honestly, I entertained the thought of just quitting. I had to get out of the house.
I had lots of cute plans for this weekend, because, like I said, I love Valentine’s Day. Except Match Day for Chris is on Feb 14, so this was supposed to be our cute weekend. With work being so awful, though, it’s really put a damper on things, as hard as I try to not let the whole thing get to me. I had planned for us to try some new outdoorsy things, so we went to a “Saturday Snowshoeing” event, where we rented snowshoes & learned how to use them, and then went for a guided hike! This was a rare sunny and warm day (30’s), so it was really beautiful outside! The guide told us about a particular Red Oak tree which was the “Grandfather Tree” for these woods. It has survived for over 250 years (longer than the United States as we know it has existed), through all those Erie winters, bad weather, and even a lightning strike. The tree could have died from the lightning strike, but it persevered; that strike was now over 50 years ago. Now, there are tons of other Red Oaks spawned from that one which have those same strong genes. I’m not sure why, but that story of the Grandfather Tree really resonated with me- it was exactly what I needed to hear. I’ve come this far; I’ve persevered. It’s not even just for me, but for all of the young women who come after me in medicine. If I let this “strike” against me get to me, she will have won. Nothing will change. But if I stay in it, I can make sure that when I teach residents & students in the future, I do not treat them this way.