So, here’s the thing: I am frustrated with women. Well, maybe not ALL women, but certain kinds of women. We all know the type: the catty, dramatic ones with some inborn need to constantly be the center of attention.
And, here, within myself, I have a sociological study, of sorts. Let me explain. When I was younger, in middle and high school, I was a little on the rounder side, and I was definitely not one of the “popular girls.” I had no problem gaining girl friends, but I had almost no guy friends (plus I was super shy). During my senior year of high school, my family doctor told me I had to lose some weight, so after I graduated high school, I did- to the tune of 50 pounds. And let me tell you- I haven’t been treated the same way since. Gradually, I gained more guy friends, but I started to lose my girl friends. I had several girl friends in college, but almost none of us even talk anymore- and some of those friendships dissolved in catty, stupid, passive-aggressive fights which left me feeling unsure of what just happened (for example: some “friends” were mad because I threw a baby shower for another friend. I mean really, get over it.). In med school, things grew worse: I started out with some girl friends, but along with the theme of things, those relationships dissolved in stupid, catty, passive-aggressive fights (i.e., I’m not speaking to you anymore because he likes you instead of me), but my male friendships outnumbered and outlasted my female friendships. And now that I’m in residency, things are no different: I do not seem to get along with the female residents as well as the male residents, not surprisingly because of the stupid, catty, passive-aggressive fights they start (i.e., texting everyone in my residency except me for outings, parties, news about other residents etc.).
So, here’s my question: what am I doing wrong?? I haven’t changed the way I treat my friends since high school- I would consider myself loyal and a decent listener- but I have definitely not been able to make or keep as many female friends. And I miss my female friends, because I am so girly- I love spa dates and luncheons and shopping and everything…but I don’t have anyone here that I am super close with yet! There are a couple of promising ladies- and that’s really all I’ve been praying for.
My own answer to my question has taken me only 10 years to figure out: some women are just frustrating. The good ones are few and far between, and should be held dear. But those catty, dramatic, frustrating ones are a dime a dozen. I’m gonna call them hater women. I dunno how men do it- find one of us to live with amongst a sea of barracudas. I’m not sure I have done anything wrong, but I do think hater women cannot be happy for another successful woman. I think they view any other “-er” woman as a threat: skinnier, wealthier, happier, cheerier, tanner, younger etc. And as long as I didn’t fit any of those threatening “-er” descriptions, those women were fine with who I was. But after I lost those 50 pounds, those hater women started hating.
And it’s not just me- I have a female friend (an ER resident) who is one of the good ones- and not only is she a loyal friend, she is absolutely gorgeous, has a fabulous personality, sharp as a tack, and is married to an equally good man. Hubby and I hang out with them once a week, and they are our closest friends here. She related to me last week about how women are just not happy for a successful woman in this field. I’m sure she’s an especially hard pill to swallow for those hater women, because she’s literally got it all. And you know what?? I gave her some advice from a song by 50 cent (wise man): “If the haters wanna hate, then let ’em hate, and watch the money pile up.” I guess it’s time I let those haters hate; it just means I’m that much closer to my goal. I need to stop caring what all those hater people think about me and just focus on the goal. So let ’em hate. Bring it.