We returned Sunday night from our trip to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, and Texas. Whew- what a busy week!!
So first, the Punta Cana/ Dominican vaycay. We were invited by Hubby’s residency, since they hosted a series of conferences during our week there. We had conferences every day 8am- noon and at 5pm. We had the afternoons off, so we went snorkeling and hung out at the beach/pool. We went out to dinner every night in a big group of friends- and I sooo didn’t wanna come home at all!!
We saw an eel, stingrays, sharks, coral and pretty fish! One fish followed us while we swam and nipped at us a little bit, almost like we were whales! We named him Pedro. Every time we turned around, he was right there!! So cute.
We also wanted to see a cigar factory, so we called down to the concierge to see which of the 4 tours we should try. One he recommended could pick us up and was only 5 minutes away, so we joined that tour. We got into their van, and drove towards the city. We turned onto the highway, and then the van pulled off this unmarked dirt road, and we rolled up to a bombed-out, concrete-block-wall-compound. Most rooms only had 3 walls left, but there was one room which had been rebuilt to have 4 walls. It was deserted. If you remember what the compound looked like where Bin Laden was found, well, that’s what this place looked like. I looked over at Hubby and the honeymooning couple in front of us, and realization dawned: Oh my goodness, we are gonna die. They beckened for us to follow them into the one room, which looked like a sweat shop on the inside, with two men sitting at desks, rolling cigars. They showed us some tobacco leaves, and they let us watch them roll cigars for a few minutes, and that concluded the tour. Followed by 30-40 minutes of extremely high pressured sales. We told them we don’t smoke, and don’t need any cigars, but this only made them try to pressure us more. We were pretty nervous about what would happen if no one bought any cigars, so Hubby bought 10. They tried to pressure the other couple some more, but they didn’t budge. So, the sellers became angry and shouted, “Just take them back to the hotel!!” and they rushed us all back, driving much more recklessly, not speaking to us, and changing the music from soothing to aggressive.
But we lived. And made it back to the hotel in one piece!
We went on a boat ride that included snorkeling, swimming, and a glass bottom boat- now that was incredible! We did get a waterproof camera, so I’ll have to post those pictures!!
Our hotel was fabulous- it was an all-inclusive resort, so we didn’t have to pay for any food or drinks while we were down there. Needless to say, I gained a couple of pounds from our stay there! It was my much needed reprieve from my crazy life. And even though I have a sunburn, sinus infection, ear infection, and little tummy bug right now, I feel much better than I did before the trip, mentally speaking. I read a couple of good books while we were there, one of which was The Help. Absolutely incredible book, and I highly highly recommend it to anyone, but especially my family from Georgia- since it would be more near and dear to them! I won’t say any more than that, in case anyone wants to or is reading it, but it was so good, and I cannot wait to see the movie!!
Throughout my stay, I couldn’t shake this feeling that I was going to be in trouble for something at work, although I knew I had dotted my i’s and crossed my t’s before I left for my trip. So, I would reassure myself, I was worrying about nothing.
After our Dominican trip, we flew to Dallas, Texas, to see my friends!! When we landed, I turned my phone on for the first time in a week (since we were out of the country), and, predictably, I had a couple of rude messages from some of my fellow residents, asking why I wasn’t in conference on Thursday, and did I intend to attend? I was simply furious. Everyone knew I was leaving to go to the Dominican for a week, and I was so indignant that they would call me and leave rude messages, regardless of what they thought I was doing, and to just have been treated like a child- made me absolutely furious. I couldn’t stop thinking all weekend, I just want to quit. I am so done with all of the crap I’ve had to take at work. I am finally ready to quit.
Handsome and I talked about it all weekend; we truly considered my quitting. He was supportive, if work was truly making me unhappy. Which it does. But he brought up some good points, like would I regret getting this far only to quit? Which I would. And could we make it on one (small) salary? I’m not really sure we could. And would I pursue a different job or stay-at-home mom? Not sure. And speaking of mom, when would we have kids? Not for a while, not because we don’t want them, but because we can’t afford it. Therefore, I am still at my job, still frustrated with it and some of those I work with, and still thinking about quitting. It’s like it’s always in the back of my mind.
But, my friends in Texas were waiting to pick us up at the airport for a fabulous weekend! Or so we thought. Unbelievably, they had gotten in a fender-bender on their way to the airport (!!), but they were ok. It did put a damper on our evening, though. Things did start to look up after that, though! We went to Oktoberfest, ate lots and lots of mexican food and bbq, and chatted and hung out together, and it was so awesome to see my friends again! One of our good friends from Austin also came up to see us while we were in Dallas, and it was just so so good to see all of them. Like a breath of fresh air.
Trouble is, you never just want one breath of fresh air. Once you get one breath, you want to gulp in the air and just enjoy it. And that made me realize I never wanted to come back to the North ever again. Ever again. I knew it was gonna be cold and nasty when we returned, and I just kept thinking, why should I ever return?? I don’t even like it there. I am a square peg in a round hole, being a Southern girl up North.
Predictably, I’m back in the North. Of course. It’s full-swing in Fall, which, luckily is my favorite season- in one week, the leaves have already changed, pumpkins are everywhere, and cider is available in all the stores. I’m trying to focus on the fall instead of the impending winter…I’m trying. I have to try, right? I feel like I must have been put here for a reason…right? I can’t just quit…can I? I don’t think so. It must get easier…right?
I was so glad to have my vacation, but I hate that every time I get a little time of my own back, I realize how much I am just exhausted and frustrated by my own real life. And, I feel like it’s my own fault that I am frustrated with my life. And every time I think I just need to change my perspective and suddenly, my life will be much better, I feel like I just get beaten down again. And again. And I don’t like complaining and feeling sorry for myself, either. I get so disgusted with myself…like, just stop complaining and look on the bright side. Why, then, does looking on the bright side not seem to work in this situation?